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6/11/05 05:16 pm - This Journal has flatlined... Nevermore.

The existing dilemma about existing is actually the notoriuos thought that you could not exist at all. Rather you exist only to become a memory which when thought about, memories do not exist the way we intend them to exist. Catching a small glimpse of an object will trigger some sense of de ja vu but you cannot quite deduce what it is you are having de ja vu about. Having that sense only to be forgotten moments later by some pass object on the ground that is shining in your eye.

This void that exists becomes an annoyance since in theory it should not exist anyways. Yet some how it has decided to take a form inside and be quite the troublesome roommate that had the notion to eat off your supplies of handysnack pudding that you so sought after a hard days work. Before, as stated in prevoius blog, one decided that he should go mad, he must come to terms with this void. Make him pay rent.

It is terribly easy to step into one's life and be something that is terribly important and to feel terribly needed. And with that, you know that there are always fears, delusions, a sense of non-expression, a hiding honesty, and a few other emotions that play around with the mean kids. Of course there are the good ones too: love, happiness, sense of need, and more but this isn't a dollar menu. With the good, it's a sense of euphoria. It seems endless. Somehow with an urge or despair, the mean kids shit on you.

Suddenly you realize with a extraordinarily revelation that you are a memory. People you once new talk of you in a past tense, usually in a demeaning manor curiously enough, only to become the de ja vu yourself.

Somehow you become visible and these people you once knew begin to make exscuses but they never do realize that they never intended to remember you anyways or otherwise they would have a prominent view on methodically in this existance where you went to.

Again, here the inevitible comes but you decided to make the first punch this time. Optimistically, you will land first and you will perpetually have faith in that paticular optimism. It is unbelievably easier to keep that faith but it is genially more devastating. Optimism leads to denial, pessimism leads to understanding. Then you can see it for what it is and think, "Why bother. It'll always turn out the same... Bad."

There is a Method to the Maddness that can consume a brain and keep it unsoundly sane or sanely unsound. Have an Optimistic Pessimism. Not entirely too tough, if you can throw yourself at the ground and miss, why not have an optimistic pessimism. Winner always like at a fair where you can throw giant metal balls versus tiny ping pong balls. Understanding plus faith.

De ja vu? Oh that was me. I'll be leaving now.

5/20/05 01:08 am - You know?

I think I wanted to express how utterly angry I am. Over all annoyed, pissed, disappointed, any other term that'd go with pissed off. Too bad LJ cannot appropriately express my anger at the moment. It could smite a hulk if need be right now.

There, I'm done. Fuck off.

5/19/05 12:58 pm - Any takers?

Rock Star Saloon & Band X
P r e s e n t
The 1st Annual
Pajama Party....
::Saturday May 28th::
Were Gonna Take It
Past Your Bed Time

Prizes For Best, Sexiest
& Ugliest PJ's

yes...Marcella & Peggy will be
dressed in theirs....

Should be some fun. I'll be there in something. Coconuts and grass skirt work? Fuck yeah I wear those to bed. Makes for some great dreams.

By the way, if you pick up a sea shell and hold it up to your ear, make sure it's not attached to a woman, she'll scream and it's not exactly the ocean.

Oh yah, I start my new job Monday. WOOT! Talk about lucky? 28k$ a year and after six months I can get promoted making 40k+$ a year? Geez well twist my arm. Anyone want a sugah-daddy? I'll be taking applications.

5/15/05 12:26 pm - Quote of the Day

"Love keeps no records."

Pops just told me that. It makes sense. Why hold a grudge on the one(s) you love? Why stay mad at them? Why hold in anger and get angry easily?

There is no reason. Love being true to the heart, you will always find a way with that person. No matter if it is a girl/boyfriend, best friend, parent, or anyone for that matter. Love teaches forgivness.

Agh... that's what I get for not being able to sleep. Rainy today too. So that makes it tricky to go out and play outside. Rain always bring emotional thoughts like the tears of someone you love.

5/14/05 08:20 pm - Who wants to contribute....

...to "The Fuji Going to School Part-Time Fund"??? I'll be working a full time job here soon though but I'd like to get my application going. Only 30$! It's going for a good cause! I swear...

Why you ask? Simple! Well, you see, taking over the world requires someform of college degree! It says so on the brochure I read. So I figure taking a few credit hours here or there during the night would not hurt seeing as taking over the world will take a few decades.

On a side note, I'd like to know that I'm smarter than what I am... I feel dumb lately. ^.~

I guess it's all the drumming I've been doing. Getting that General Ed. out of the way might be good so that way I can focus on Music Ed. if I so desire. Or if I decide to do something else. Who knows.

I think my pops might be able to help me on that. He said that he would see what he could do. Either that or I can become a prostitute. Anyone want to buy me out for the night?

Ooh! I just filled out the application to Kennesaw State! WOO! Just have to pay now...

Seriously, anyone want a hot AZN bod like myself? I can cook, clean, what ever you so desire! Except TsumiK... I'd rather not have to cook for him... bastard has cake.

5/13/05 11:19 pm - Starting New!

Screw this crap of acting like I'm an Emo kid! Fuck that! I'm tired of being the way I am. I say bring the day! Bring the burnic torches of the mob who wants to have me lynched! I will live my life the way I want to live my life.

With that being said, same with LJ. Might as well post about my life versus my sad thoughts.

Hell, I have a final interview... out of 100 applicants and interviews, I made the top 3 for the final interview. I have faith that this job is mine! If not, then I have two back ups. Either way, next week, I don't care how, I'll be starting my job.

Ben will be moving out June 30th so we're going to be looking at apartments Saturday. Who knows what we'll find. Still haven't decided if we should get a 2 bed room and I'll take the couch or not. You know, always expect the unexpected.

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